Louder than Words
by WorldOfMyImagination
Summary: One-shot. Follows on from 'Babysitters and Bystanders'. Shaken from the evening's events, Chloe cannot stand to be at the flat that night. Features Nicky but she's not on the list :(


She sat for a long while, unable to get the evening's events out of her head. She wanted to stop them but she could not. She had no energy to fight her mind so simply let the thoughts engulf her, the past couple of hours playing over and over, each tiny little detail, _everything_ he said. Was he right? Was he right about her? Was it _her_ fault? Has _she_ been in the wrong all along? After all, he knows things about her. He knows almost everything about her, her family and her past. Perhaps he knows her better than she knows herself. Perhaps he sees the _real_ her, he can see exactly how damaged and worthless she is, how she will never, ever be able to make anything of herself because of where she came from and because of who she is and who she will always be. She will never be able to shake herself free from that. She curled herself up further on the armchair, covering her ears with her hands, desperately trying to block out those thoughts. She cannot fight them. She does not _deserve_ to be able to fight them.

Slowly, she stood up from the chair and headed for her friend's room. She paused outside the door, wondering if Nicky would mind her disturbing her. _I'm here if you need me_. Her words played on her mind a few times. Had she really meant it though? Or was she just being nice? She took a step back as she momentarily decided against the idea but then the sound of movement inside the room changed her mind and she knocked quickly before she could change her mind again.

"Come in." Nicky called softly. "Hey Chloe." She smiled as Chloe appeared in the doorway. "How are you feeling?"

"Erm..." Chloe paused for a moment. "Nicky, I can't...I can't be here, not tonight. Maybe not for a few days, I don't know." She choked back a sob as she stumbled over the words. "I...I'm going to call my mum, see if I can stay with her for a couple of nights. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be." Nicky told her. "Come on." She patted the bed for Chloe to sit next to her, which she did, wrapping her arms around her chest protectively. "I'm so sorry that we weren't here earlier." She started.

"No, no." Chloe interrupted. "I should never have let him in. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's probably a good job you did because he pretty much forced his way in the other day. Goodness knows what he would have done if you hadn't have let him in." She paused. "I don't even want to think about it." Chloe shook her head. "Do you want me to drive you to your mum's?" Nicky offered.

"It's fine. I can drive myself."

"Chloe, I don't think you're in any fit state to drive." She pointed out with only good intentions. "Look at you." She placed her hand on Chloe's trembling shoulder. "Let me drive you. It's the least I can do." Defeated, Chloe nodded gratefully.

"I'll call her now." She said quietly, taking her phone out of her pocket. Hands shaking, she unlocked it and brought up her contacts which she scrolled through until she found Ange's number. She pressed the phone to her ear and quickly, Ange picked up. "Mum..." Chloe started, suddenly finding herself frozen, unable to speak as tears spilled down her cheeks. Nicky could hear the rising concern in Ange's tone without hearing what she was saying.

"Here, give it to me." Nicky gently prised the phone from Chloe's hand. "Ange...I mean, Ms. Godard. It's Nicky McKendrick. There's been an incident at the flat this evening, Evan's been round and we've had to have the police come and get rid of him. Chloe's really upset and she's had a panic attack so she hoped it would be okay to stay with you for a couple of nights?" Nicky listened to Ange's response for a few moments. "No it's okay, I said I'd drop her over." Another pause. "Of course I will, thank you. Okay, bye."

Chloe had left Nicky's room before Nicky had finished speaking to Ange and gone to her own room to pack a bag. Even if her mum said that she could not stay with her, there was no way Chloe was staying in the flat that night. She was already losing control. She felt it slipping away with every second that passed and knew that a night of heightened anxiety and panic attacks was not going to help. She was already well into territory of the former but as for the latter, that was the way things were charging headlong at at the moment if she stayed there and she was already exhausted. She did not think she would survive a night of that.

"Chloe?" Nicky's voice came from the doorway. Chloe spun around quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump." Chloe gave a sad smile and shook her head. "Your mum said that's fine and she said to tell you she loves you." She told her, placing Chloe's phone on her bed.

"Thanks." She said gratefully. "Is Cam asleep?"

"Judging by the snoring coming from his room I'd guess so." Nicky grinned. "Sounds like he's had quite a day with a sausage-roll maker who he's spent all day thinking was a board member or something. I don't know. You know what he's like when he starts talking at you after a shift." They both laughed and for a few moments, the anxiety left Chloe's mind.

"Only Cam." She rolled her eyes in amusement. "Anyway, please tell him I'm sorry." She requested, sadness returning to her voice.

"I will." Nicky agreed. "Though you have nothing to be sorry for. The only person who has done anything wrong is Evan. Don't let him make you think otherwise, okay?" She told her firmly. Chloe zipped up her bag and picked it up. "Got everything?"

"I think so. Pretty sure mum keeps a stash of my stuff in the house like I'm still living there though." She smirked. "And I haven't lived at home since I finished med school and even that was only for a couple of months."

"I wish I had a mum like yours." Nicky commented.

"Next time she's winding me up I'll let you know and you can have her." She grinned wickedly. Nicky laughed and the two left the flat arm-in-arm.

* * *

Only minutes away from Ange's house, Nicky noticed Chloe tense up, clenching her fists just as she had done earlier that evening.

"I'm okay." She said quickly, though weakly, as she saw Nicky glance at her in concern. "Just...just anxious."

"You sure?" Chloe nodded, leaning her head back on the headrest and taking a deep breath. "Not far now." She told her, snatching a quick look at the map on her phone. Although she knew Chloe could direct her, Nicky wanted to save her the added stress so had set up the navigation on her phone. Unfortunately, the journey had taken a little longer than anticipated due to one of the main roads through Holby being closed for roadworks which had only unsettled Chloe more.

"That one." Chloe pointed out her mum's house. "You can park on the drive."

The front door opened just as Nicky started to swing into the driveway. Ange had been waiting by the window ever since they had phoned so that she could be there the very moment Chloe arrived.

Nicky pulled the handbrake up and Chloe was out of the car before she could switch off the engine. She ran up the driveway and straight into her mum's open arms. She could keep it together no more and broke down in tears.

"Mum..." She sobbed. "Mum..."

"It's okay." Ange hushed. "I've got you, you're safe now." It broke her heart to see her daughter in such a state because of what one person had done to her. How one person had mistreated her, abused her, made her think that _she_ was the one in the wrong when nothing could be further from the truth.

"Chloe..." Nicky approached the pair nervously, not sure if she should just go quietly or say goodbye. She put a hand on Chloe's back. Chloe freed herself from her mum's embrace for a moment.

"Sorry." She said to Nicky, wiping her eyes. Nicky smiled at her sympathetically.

"I'm going to go home now. Here's your bag." She handed Chloe's bag to her.

"Nicky you can come in if you like?" Ange offered.

"I have an early shift tomorrow so I'd better not." She responded. "Thank you anyway. I'll text you Chloe, okay?"

"Thank you Nicky. For everything. Honestly, you've been brilliant tonight." Chloe was truly grateful.

She and Ange watched Nicky get back into the car and drive off before heading inside the house. Although far from being truly okay, Chloe felt better than she had done all evening, knowing that she had the only two things she could ever need - a mum who loved her more than anything and friends who would stand by her through thick and thin.


End file.
